01: Cubbyhole | New York, NY

SARAH: PICTURE THIS: YOU’RE 15 YEARS OLD AND YOU ALWAYS END UP KISSING OTHER GIRLS AT PARTIES. YOUR CLASSMATES DON’T REALLY GET IT. THEY THINK YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. AND THEY CALL YOU FREAKY. AFTER SCHOOL ONE DAY THIS LITTLE GREEN STOREFRONT CATCHES YOUR EYE.

HADLEY: I remember there were rainbow daisies, like stickers of rainbow daisies all around the front on the windows. And I love that and I was like this place looks so cute. And I saw the rainbow flag in the window. 

SARAH: THIS IS HADLEY, NOW 27 

HADLEY: It was right on the corner and it was on kind of a quiet street with like cobblestones...yea like really pretty like townhouses like brownstones next to each other. And so I just decided to go in like not really knowing what it was but I figured it was a bar obviously because I was peeking in through the window and there was a bar.

SARAH: INSIDE, THE BAR WAS NO BIGGER THAN A SMALL GENERAL STORE. TOYS AND KNICK KNACKS HUNG FROM THE CEILING - MAKING A THICK, COLORFUL CANOPY. HADLEY HAD STUMBLED UPON CUBBYHOLE, OR “CUBBY” TO IT’S REGULARS, A LESBIAN BAR IN NEW YORK CITY’S WEST VILLAGE. 

HADLEY: So we're going back like 11 years. So this is a while ago, but I do remember very, very vividly, the first time I ever went to Cubbyhole. I had a purple backpack from American Apparel, it had like pins all over it and like 1000 key chains on the zipper. I had like a little rainbow pin. 

SARAH: SHE WAS COMING RIGHT FROM HER HIGH SCHOOL. NEW YORK CITY LAB SCHOOL WHICH IS ABOUT SIX BLOCKS SOUTH OF CUBBY.

HADLEY: I was trying to like sort of hide behind people pretending that I was like doing something. So I think I like whipped out a notebook from high school. And I took my backpack and I remember, I didn't want people to see my backpack. So I threw it underneath the bar. I had like the perfect spot where I could see the entire bar and see the door, too. In case someone was coming after me coming to find me or something.  

SARAH: SHE PULLED HER STRAIGHT BLONDE HAIR BACK INTO A PONYTAIL, TRYING TO LOOK A LITTLE OLDER, AND WAITED FOR SOMEONE TO KICK HER OUT. BUT THEY NEVER DID. SO SIX, SEVEN, AND EIGHT O’CLOCK WENT BY. A BOUNCER TOOK HIS POST AT THE DOOR, AND MORE AND MORE QUEER WOMEN FLOODED INTO THE TINY SPACE. SHE DIDN’T GET A DRINK OR EVEN APPROACH THE BAR. JUST OBSERVED AND TRIED TO TALK TO PEOPLE.

HADLEY: I like got right up into people's space and was just kind of like smiling and being like, Hey, how's it going? And like, just literally like standing there, like, so excited to talk to people … you know, my eyes kind of said, Hey, come talk to me. Like, I'm excited to meet you. 

SARAH: HADLEY REMEMBERS ONE WOMAN IN HER MID-TO-LATE-THIRTIES.  SHE HAD A MOHAWK AND A BIG STEVIE NICKS TATTOO ON HER BACK. 

HADLEY: She just looked super cool...she just was so confident and comfortable like in her own skin and who she was and how she identified as a lesbian 100%...

SARAH: SHE STARTED TALKING TO HADLEY AND BROUGHT HER OVER TO HER GROUP OF FRIENDS.

HADLEY: Just giving me advice being like, okay, you're new to the scene. Let me tell you about these different bars or like parties or just like lesbian spaces where you can go to. And then she also, we started talking about like term--terminologies because I think she asked me if I was a femme. And that was the first time I heard of that. And I was like, I have no idea what a femme means. And she was like, Well, you know, you could be a lipstick lesbian. And all these like terms.  And I was like wait a minute, what? 

SARAH: THAT VERY FIRST NIGHT AT CUBBY, THIS WOMAN GAVE HADLEY A CRASH COURSE IN QUEER CULTURE. 

HADLEY: She literally put her name in my phone, but underneath it she said, "Your lesbian fairy godmother." So that's why I refer to her as that, because that's how she totally identified herself. And she was like, I want you you know, to have somebody that you could go to like, if you have questions or you like you just need I don't know someone to talk to you about this kind of stuff. 

SARAH: BUT HADLEY HADN’T LEFT SCHOOL THAT DAY TO SNEAK INTO A BAR.

HADLEY: I was actually trying to find the new york city gay center.... I just started googling things online. So I was like you know is there a space like a community space where I could go.

SARAH: AT THE NEW YORK CITY GAY CENTER, WHICH IS ALSO JUST A FEW BLOCKS AWAY, SHE DIDN’T FIND WHAT SHE WAS LOOKING FOR.

HADLEY: I felt a little bit like I was intruding, like they already kind of had groups going on or like events. And I just showed up, like, out of the blue being like, what's this space? Like, you know, can I talk to people or what's going on here?... I just felt like maybe it was a little clicky, where everybody already knew each other and everybody like had a first name basis and I just kind of felt like out of place in a way.

SARAH: SO SHE LEFT AND WALKED AROUND THE WEST VILLAGE FOR A BIT. THAT’S WHEN SHE FOUND CUBBYHOLE.

HADLEY: To me, the contrast was just so different being there at cubbyhole, getting exactly what I needed, which was kind of a quote unquote, Fairy Godmother, and someone who I could go to and ask so many questions that I had, um, versus the New York City gay center with all these like people who are my age that were also confused and didn't have any of the answers that I was looking for. And so I feel like I totally lucked out with my first time going to Cubbhole. That's kind of what started this journey of me going many, many times. Thereafter, being a loyal customer. 

SARAH: THIS IS CRUISING. A PODCAST ABOUT THE LAST LESBIAN BARS IN THE U.S. MY NAME IS SARAH GABRIELLI AND I’M TRAVELING TO EACH ONE OF THEM WITH MY TWO FRIENDS AND CHOSEN FAMILY. 

THIS IS STOP NUMBER ONE, CUBBYHOLE.

THROUGHOUT MUCH OF THE 20TH CENTURY LESBIAN BARS EXISTED OUT OF NECESSITY. WITH FEWER LGBT COMMUNITY CENTER, QUEER BOOKSTORES, AND NEVERMIND THINGS LIKE DATING APPS AND SOCIAL MEDIA, THERE WAS SIMPLY...NO WHERE ELSE TO BE GAY. BY THE 1980s, THERE WERE AN ESTIMATED 200 OPEN AND OPERATING LESBIAN BARS IN THE U.S. TODAY, THERE ARE LESS THAN 25. LESBIAN BARS ARE UNDENIABLY DISPPEARING, FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. MAYBE QUEER WOMEN LIKE US DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE? BUT THAT’S HARD TO IMAGINE. BEFORE THEY’RE GONE, WE’LL BE DRIVING OVER 8,000 MILES ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND BACK TO VISIT AS MANY AS WE CAN. 

SARAH: So we’re one our way to Cubbyhole. 

RACHEL: Woooooo. 

IT’S A THURSDAY AFTERNOON IN APRIL 2021. I’M IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND MY BEST FRIEND RACHEL IS DRIVING. WE ARE ON OUR WAY FROM HER BROOKLYN APARTMENT TO OPENING DAY AT CUBBYHOLE. 

SARAH: You really just ruined that audio

RACHEL: I didn’t mean to can we start over. 

SARAH: No we can just leave it. 

RACHEL: I just like forgot that it was gonna make a noise, start over. 

SARAH: No just leave it. 

RACHEL: Start over!

SARAH: RACHEL AND I HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. AND AFTER COLLEGE, WE MOVED TO BROOKLYN TOGETHER.

NOW, SHE LIVES WITH JEN, HER GIRLFRIEND OF TWO YEARS. AND THE THREE OF US ARE PLANNING THIS ROAD TRIP TOGETHER. 

IT’S ONLY FITTING THAT WE ARE STARTING OUR JOURNEY AT CUBBYHOLE. IT’S THE FIRST TO OPEN FOR THE SEASON OF THE LESBIAN BARS IN NEW YORK, WHERE WE LIVE. BUT IT’S ALSO REALLY SPECIAL TO ME AND RACHEL.

RACHEL: Going to cubbyhole was like this thing that we discovered we had in common still because even if we weren’t gonna have stuff to talk about, we had a mutual understanding that we would be down to get two dollar margaritas on a Tuesday at Cubbyhole--

SARAH: We had a mutual interest

RACHEL: We had a mutual interest in the ladies and a mutual interest in a great deal. 

SARAH: Oh my god, yeah.

SARAH: HADLEY, WHO YOU HEARD EARLIER, WENT TO COLLEGE WITH RACHEL AND INTRODUCED US BOTH TO THE BAR FOR THE FIRST TIME. 

RACHEL: The way Hadley described it and the way I felt about it at that time in my life was definitely that it was this mystical, almost mythological place that like couldn’t be real. And then it was real. 

SARAH: I remember just kind of blindly, I’m sure tipsily, following her down the cobblestone streets and she just seemed so sure of herself and so comfortable in that environment. It was crazy to me.

RACHEL: Yeah I do think she either does know everyone there or she pretends to know everyone there.

[laughter]

SARAH: THAT THIRD VOICE, LAUGHING WITH US, IS RACHEL’S PARTNER  JEN. I ALWAYS THINK OF JEN AS THE ULTIMATE HYPE-MAN. WHETHER THAT’S ON THE SOFTBALL FIELD FOR HER BROOKLYN WOMEN’S LEAGUE, OR ON TELEVISION SETS WHERE SHE WORKS AS A LINE PRODUCER. WE CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON HER TO MAKE FRIENDS IF WE LEAVE HER ALONE AT THE BAR. AND PROBABLY BUY EVERYONE A ROUND. SHE’LL DO MOST OF THE CHATTING AND MOST OF THE DRIVING ON OUR TRIP. 

JEN: I just really like to drive. I'm really good at it. I love to eat the road. And I love setting the GPS destination and it's like your arrival is going to be 6:38pm and I'm like screw it, I'm getting there at 5:30! And I just chop the minutes off as we go.

SARAH: JEN ALSO BRINGS A LOT OF LIFE EXPERIENCE TO THE CRUISING TEAM

JEN: I’ve been going to Cubbyhole since my freshman year of college so all the way back to 1998.

SARAH: JEN WENT TO SCHOOL AT WAGNER COLLEGE ON STATEN ISLAND.

JEN: Then we started taking the Staten Island Ferry to and from the bars, which was our you know 30 minute pregame and we'd go to the Staten Island Ferry bar and buy cheap beers. We'd just pound like 16 ounce beers. And it wasn't the only gig in town. A couple of the bars started to close. Like Meow Mix closed and Ruby Fruit closed down before reopened a couple years later so we kind of only had a couple places to go to. And that was Cubbyhole and Henrietta's.

NONE OF US HAVE BEEN TO CUBBY SINCE BEFORE THE PANDEMIC. SO DEFINITELY OVER A YEAR AGO. 

[sound of Cubbyhole today]

TODAY, THE BAR FRONT STILL LOOKS THE SAME WAY HADLEY REMEMBERED. THE DAISIES IN THE WINDOW, THE RAINBOW SIGN. IT’S A LITTLE GREEN BOX IN THE BOTTOM CORNER OF A FOUR-STORY BROWNSTONE. 

BECAUSE OF COVID, EVERYONE IS OUTSIDE FOR THE OPENING. THERE ARE ABOUT TEN TWO-TOP TABLES ON THE SIDEWALK, AND A BRAND NEW COVERED PATIO.

DEB: How can I help you?

THIS IS DEB GREENBERG, A CUBBYHOLE BARTENDER OF ELEVEN YEARS. SHE’S A SCRAPPY 4-FOOT-10, WITH A DARK JOAN JETT HAIRCUT.

WHEN DEB GREETS YOU, IT’S CLEAR WHY HADLEY WOULD HAVE FELT IMMEDIATELY AT HOME AT CUBBYHOLE. DEB GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO MAKE NEWCOMERS FEEL WELCOME. THAT’S NOT AN ACCIDENT

DEB: If I know I see someone alone, if I see regulars, I say, would you mind this person's, you know, this, you know, person x, they just walked in, they don't know anyone, they're brand new to the city. They just moved here. And then one of the regulars always says, Deb, don't worry, we'll take care of them. You got to. You have to and it's--especially if you imagine coming to the city just realizing you're gay. And just standing here? You don't want that. You want to help people.

SARHA: I MET UP WITH DEB A FEW DAYS AFTER THE RE-OPENING, BEFORE HER SHIFT. BECAUSE OF COVID WE COULDN’T GO INSIDE THE BAR. SO WE SAT CROSS LEGGED ON THE GROUND, HIDDEN BY THE WALL OF THEIR NEW PATIO, TO BLOCK THE SOUND OF THE WIND. DEB IS LIKE A FIXTURE OF CUBBYHOLE. WHEN I PICTURE THE BAR, I PICTURE HER MIXING DRINKS BEHIND IT AND HER VOICE CALLING OUT FOR MY ORDER. SO I WAS SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT SHE DIDN’T COME OUT UNTIL AGE 45 -- NOT LONG BEFORE SHE STARTED WORKING AT CUBBYHOLE.

DEB: Honestly it wasn't for fear of coming out, it was because it was a different time. And I  literally didn't know I was gay. I didn't know. I had no idea. I went through life like, I call myself dopey. Like I was in line and I was just like, doo doo doo doo doo going through life. 

SARAH: BEFORE DEB CAME OUT, SHE HAD NEVER EVEN HEARD OF CUBBYHOLE. BUT SOON SHE STARTED GOING EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

DEB: I just couldn't wait to go out and hook up, hook up, hook up. You know what I mean? Like not, you know, it was a, you know, I met some women here who had my mentality. And, you know, we were probably those, you know, what some straight women would refer to as those asshole guys in the bar at the time. Really! And I and I own it. And I was an asshole at the time. But now I understand it. But at the time, it was for me, it was like I wasn't a teenager, and I never had that experience. And I was just like I get it now, I get it. You know it was like it was like oh my god. Now I get it, now I get why I had you know all these women on my wall. It wasn't just crushes, I was in love with them.

IT WAS LIKE A SECOND PUBERTY. AND CUBBYHOLE WAS HER HOUSE PARTY.

DEB: My most famous story is--see this right here? This is a washer.

ON A CORD AROUND HER NECK, DEB WEARS A METAL RING THE SIZE OF A QUARTER. IT’S A TOKEN FROM THE NIGHT SHE STARTED WORKING AT THE BAR. 

DEB: There was a big spill in the bar by the toilet. The toilet was clean it was just the tank was overflowing. And I said oh you know I'll help you guys, I'll help. I saw this floating. So I'm like I need something to remember this night by because she's--you know Tonya definitely like I'd kind of met her before but she never saw me like help help. So I grabbed it and I'm like I gotta, I need to do something with this. And like I'm so I was like, I'm like I'm just gonna wear around my neck and I you know, here we go. 11 years later. It's still--a toilet washer’s around my neck.

THE WOMAN SHE MENTIONS IS TANYA SAUNDERS. THAT’S THE ORIGINAL OWNER OF CUBBYHOLE. SHE PASSED AWAY IN 2019 AT 82 YEARS OLD. 

DEB: She always wore bucket hats. Black, long shirts. Just she looks like you know like anyone's Nana or Nona, you know like that--

SARAH: A MAGAZINE ARTICLE ABOUT TANYA’S LIFE IS POSTED BY THE DOOR OF THE BAR.

DEB: This is the article about Tanya I was telling you about. It’s all here. 

SARAH: TANYA FLED NAZI GERMANY AS A CHILD AND CAME TO THE U.S. WITH HER MOTHER IN 1939. AS AN ADULT, HER AND HER PARTNER GERI MARRIED TWO GAY MEN IN HER BUILDING. THEY WOULD SWAP APARTMENTS (AND PARTNERS) WHENEVER FAMILY CAME TO VISIT. TANYA TOOK OVER THE BAR AT THE CORNER OF W 12TH AND W 4TH ST IN 1987. SHE RENAMED IT IN 1993 AND CUBBYHOLE WAS BORN.

DEB: Tanya was like a mother to all of us. We used to call her Mama T. She took us all in like we were her own. She was as kind as they come but you also don't f*** with her on anyone in her family. As kind as she is, she'll protect it to the end.

SARAH: DEB WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE PART OF THAT FAMILY. SHE REMEMBERS BARTENDING ONE DAY WHILE TANYA SAT IN THE CORNER AS SHE OFTEN DID. A WOMAN SAT AT THE BAR DRESSED TO THE NINES, DEB SAYS, WITH MANICURED NAILS AND A LOUIS VUITTON BAG. SHE ASKED A QUESTION TO ONE OF THE OTHER CUSTOMERS AT THE BAR, AND DEB JOINED IN THE CONVERSATION.

DEB: And she looks at me, puts her throws her bag on the bar and goes Excuse me. I wasn't talking to you. I don't think I was talking to the bartender, was I? And I looked at her, I said excuse me? I said I just overheard you asking this woman and she didn't know so I'm just helping you. She goes Oh, but I wasn't talking to the bartender. And Tanya here heard that and she goes Get the hell out of my bar now. You don't talk to anyone like that. Let alone somebody who works in my bar. Get the hell out.

SARAH: THAT WAS THE LINE THAT TANYA DREW AT HER BAR. YOU HAD TO BE RESPECTFUL. OTHERWISE, EVERYONE WAS WELCOME.

DEB: The story goes is that she wanted everyone to be included. And back in the day there was like dykes marching in front of the bar. Because when she took over, she wanted everyone to be included. She wanted an inclusive bar. And the dykes were mad. So I think she was amazing. I think she was ahead of her time.

LISA: She also wanted the neighborhood to feel comfortable like people like a neighborhood bar.

THIS IS LISA MENICHINO, CUBBYHOLE’S CURRENT OWNER. SHE STARTED AS A BARTENDER, THEN A MANAGER, THEN INHERITED THE BAR FROM TANYA WHEN SHE PASSED. 

LISA: So it got a reputation of the lesbian bar that you could just go for a drink, you know if you lived across the street kind of thing. 

SARAH: LISA SAT DOWN WITH ME FOR A FEW MINUTES AT THE RE-OPENING, BEFORE THEY GOT TOO BUSY.

SARAH: Why continue to identify as a lesbian bar if that’s not what you’re aiming to project?

LISA: Well because I think primarily, we are a lesbian bar. That’s who we cater to the most, even though we welcome everybody, we are a lesbian bar. But you know lesbian and their friends, lesbian and their families...

SARAH: LISA IDENTIFIES AS A LESBIAN. FOR HER, CALLING CUBBYHOLE A LESBIAN BAR, IS A WAY TO CELEBRATE THE LESBIAN IDENTITY.

LISA: There’s a connectivty between lesbian bars and you know celebrating our identity and I feel like we’re kind of disappearing or we’re disappearing into the umbrella of being gay and you kind of lose your identiy a little bit.

SARAH: LILLIAN FADERMAN IS A LESBIAN HISTORIAN AND AUTHOR. LIKE LISA, SHE PERSONALLY IDENTIFIES AS A LESBIAN. 

LILLIAN: I think it’s heroic for them to continue to identify as a lesbian bar. And personally I’m very touched that they want to continue to identify that way. 

SARAH: AS A HISTORIAN, LILLIAN RECOGNIZES THAT TERMINOLOGY LIKE THIS CHANGES OVER TIME. WHILE SHE IS TOUCHED BY THE GESTURE OF QUEER BARS KEEPING THE LABEL “LESBIAN,” IT’S JUST NOT ENTIRELY ACCURATE ANYMORE. 

LILLIAN: I think that, that a lot of women who like women would find the term lesbian too limiting. And if the bar were really limited to lesbians, they would find it offensive, they would say, what about queers? What about genderqueers? What about nonbinary people? What about trans people? So it would be very interesting to me to discover that a bar could continue for a number of years, calling itself an exclusively lesbian bar.

SARAH: I ASKED NINA BUITRAGO, WHO IDENTIFIES AS NON-BINARY, HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THIS. WOULD THEY PREFER IF PLACES LIKE CUBBYHOLE USED THE TERM “QUEER BAR” INSTEAD? 

NINA: I think that it’s also important to keep sacred the fact that it is kind of more specifically for queer women, you know? Cause like gay dudes have bars all over the city, you know you throw a rock and hit a gay dude bar.

SARAH: I MET NINA THAT DAY AT CUBBYHOLE’S RE-OPENING, ALONG WITH THEIR GIRLFRIEND, MARIANNA. THE COUPLE HAD DRIVEN INTO THE CITY FROM WESTCHESTER FOR OPENING DAY. 

NINA: As soon as we found out it was opening I was like I have to go put my wallet where my mouth is. Like this is something that’s important to me. We don’t have a lot of spaces for ourselves.

SARAH: THIS PAST YEAR, NINA CAME OUT AS NON-BINARY.

NINA: And now that I’m kind of like, maybe I’m not a gender at all, do I still belong in these spaces? Like I definitely sit and think about it. But I also know that I’m welcome in these spaces as much as any other person. And I think that to a degree, everyone is welcome in these spaces. But cis, straight people don't necessarily need them to feel safe and good the same way we do.

SARAH: OVER THE YEARS, DEB HAS WATCHED MANY OF HER CUSTOMERS DISCOVER THEMSELVES. THAT’S HER FAVORITE PART OF WORKING AT CUBBYHOLE.  

DEB: That's what's beautiful. That makes me happy. That's what makes all of us happy. Like if you came in and didn't know who you were and anything and then all of a sudden you see that sparkle in someone's eye as the months come on. You're just like, they're discovering themselves. And you can't do anything about it. Like I can't say, keep going, keep going. I see that sparkle. All of a sudden you're like, ohhh, they're gonna cut their hair soon. And then they come in I'm like yay! They cut their hair. I know they're gonna catch up to their minds. And they do.

I've seen it with myself. I see my family members and friends from my past react on Instagram. My people from my old career who knew me at 22. And see--they've all, they see me happy now. It's beautiful.

SARAH: ALL OF THIS WAS JEOPARDIZED IN JANUARY OF 2019 WHEN DEB BECAME TOO SICK TO WORK. 

DEB: I was at home getting ready for my shift. I got out of bed to go start getting ready and my legs just gave out.

SARAH: SHE COULDN’T WALK. THEN SHE WOULD START WALKING AGAIN. AND THEN COLLAPSE OUT OF NOWHERE. 

DEB: I never felt dizzy. I just felt like I was fading like a character in a spy movie where I got shot with some serum and everyone was fading out like a camera shot and I just went down and I just couldn't get up anymore.”

SARAH: DOCTOR AFTER DOCTOR KEPT TELLING HER IT WAS VERTIGO. THEY DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHE WASN’T GETTING DIZZY.  IN THAT TIME SHE COULDN’T WORK.

DEB: I couldn’t. I couldn't even walk into Cubby.

SARAH: HER LIVING EXPENSES PILED UP. AND OVER 30-THOUSAND DOLLARS IN MEDICAL BILLS. BUT AFTER A DECADE OF MAKING DRINKS AND BEING THERE FOR HER CUSTOMERS AT CUBBY -- HER COMMUNITY, AND HER FAMILY REALLY, -- THEY WERE THERE FOR HER. 

SPEAKER: Debbie, ever since the first time I met you, you’ve been one of my queer heroes.

THIS WAS A FUNDRAISER FOR DEB AT THE STONEWALL INN BACK IN FEBRUARY 2020, ABOUT A YEAR AFTER SHE FIRST COLLAPSED. IT WAS A PARTY WITH LIVE MUSIC, DRAG QUEENS, AND AN AUCTION. 

DEB: There was like I think over 200 people there upstairs. It was I can't even tell you how much I was blown away, Sarah. I mean, I mean you're just, I'm just like looking at this like I'm just like I call my mother I'm like Mom, my funeral’s gonna have standing room only.

SARAH: THE EVENT RAISED ABOUT 6,000 DOLLARS TO GO TOWARDS TREATMENT FOR DEB’S MYSTERY ILLNESS.

DEB: I couldn't even walk I had a walker … and they had to get they had to carry me practically out. Because the light was so bad in my eyes towards the end. I couldn't even look up.

SARAH: THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC HIT NEW YORK CITY A MONTH LATER, AND BEFORE LONG, THE REST OF US WERE STUCK AT HOME JUST LIKE DEB. ACCORDING TO LISA, CUBBYHOLES CURRENT OWNER, THE BAR HAD NEVER CLOSED FOR A SINGLE DAY BEFORE THEN.

LISA: In the 27 years that Tanya opened in 1993, she never ever closed her doors until the pandemic forced me to.

SARAH: TANYA KEPT CUBBYHOLE OPEN THROUGH HURRICANES, BLIZZARDS, AND BLACKOUTS. PEOPLE NEEDED A PLACE TO GATHER.

LISA: Even if it was just like for a couple of hours because she knew people were like, you know, anxious about the environment. 

SARAH: LISA HERSELF REMEMBERS WORKING THROUGH 9/11.

LISA: And I got a message from my dad, like frantic that he couldn't get in touch with his wife. And I wanted to go and be with him. And I you know, I didn't know how I was going to get there because everything was shut down. And subways weren't running, nothing. And one of--one of the regular customers actually gave me the keys to her car. And said just go. Just go and take it for as long as you want. And I was able to get home to my father.”

SARAH: DURING HURRICANE SANDY, THE BAR LOST POWER. BUT PEOPLE STILL CAME TO CUBBYHOLE EVERY DAY. 

LISA: All we had basically was warm beer, and no ice, and warm alcohol, and we managed to stay open, like four or five hours a day, and people came.

SARAH: WITHOUT ELECTRICITY, THEY COULDN’T PLAY MUSIC THROUGH THE JUKEBOX

LISA: We would have people walk by--I can bring my guitar! And they bring their guitar and they start playing it. It's just, it was it was such a wonderful time. 

SARAH: That is amazing. There wasn't a day that you were closed?

LISA: Until March 16 of last year. And mandated by the state.

SARAH: CUBBYHOLE HAD BEEN A REFUGE FOR LISA AND HER CUSTOMERS IN SO MANY OTHER TIMES OF CRISIS. BUT NOW, THAT WASN’T POSSIBLE.

LISA: I was just like like wallowing in self pity and miserable and I was just, barely wanted to get out of bed. I’d mope around the house. I'd come to the bar once a week and then mope around the bar. 

SARAH: SHE REPLACED HER USUAL CUBBYHOLE ROUTINE WITH ANOTHER ONE. ONE THAT INVOLVED A LOT OF BOURBON AND FREEZE POPS.

LISA: I would dip the ice in the Bourbon and I would let it soak up. Like I would count the seconds til how long it would take to melt. And then I'd try and get it right before it melts and I'd eat it and would suck up the bourbon. But then if it if it had fallen off, I'd do the whole shot. And then my girlfriend was about to kick me in the a**. She was like you're becoming a mess.

SARAH: BUT IT ENDED UP BEING THE CUBBYHOLE CUSTOMERS THAT KICKED HER INTO ACTION.

LISA: I started hearing stories about how special this bar was to people and how like momentous events had taken place. Like I proposed to my wife, I when my father died, I this was the only place I could think of coming where I would feel okay, and I had my anniversary here. I had like I came out here and and I started realizing like how special this place was. And I said you know what I have to get it together and I have to find a way to open.

SARAH: THE FIRST STEP TO REOPENING CUBBYHOLE WAS PAYING THE BILLS. LISA HAD ENOUGH MONEY SAVED TO COVER THE FIRST MONTH OR TWO. HER GOFUNDME CAMPAIGN RAISED ANOTHER 77-THOUSAND-DOLLARS: JUST ENOUGH TO COVER RENT AND INSURANCE. LIKE SO MANY OTHER BARS, CUBBYHOLE RE-OPENED WITH OUTDOOR DINING IN AUGUST BEFORE CLOSING AGAIN FOR THE COLD WEATHER. MEANWHILE, DEB SPENT THE FIRST YEAR OF THE PANDEMIC  SLOWLY GETTING BACK ON HER FEET. 

DEB: So I was building up my strength to get back to Cubby.

SARAH: SHE FINALLY GOT A DIAGNOSIS: EPISODIC TYPE TWO ATASSIA, A RARE NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER THAT CAN BE TREATED WITH MEDICATION AND DIETARY CHANGES. 

DEB: Now I can't drink beer anymore or wine. But I can have tequila and vodka which is fine by me. And I can't have a lot of different foods now, which is fine. I don't care about that. It was the alcohol I was nervous about but tequila, I'm like okay, as long as I can still have my tequila I'm good.

SARAH: AND NOW HERE WE ARE, OPENING DAY FOR THE NEW SEASON. I’M FULLY VACCINATED, AS ARE THE CUBBYHOLE BARTENDERS. AND DEB IS BACK WORKING FULL TIME. AT CUBBYHOLE, ONE THING REMAINS CONSTANT THROUGH THE PANDEMIC AND NEARLY 30 YEARS OF SERVICE: THE VALUES THAT TANYA BUILT HER BAR ON.

LISA: Well I kind of run the bar the way she did and the way she taught me. You make everyone feel welcome no matter who they are. You continue to you know, if they're supporting you and they're buying, you give them back. You know, you buy them a shot, you buy them pizza.

THAT’S ANOTHING THING: THE PIZZA. IT’S LIKE CUBBYHOLE ISN’T A BAR TRYING TO MAKE MONEY, BUT A GOOD HOST HANGING WITH FRIENDS, KEEPING THEM FULL AND HAPPY. OF COURSE, IT WAS TANYA’S IDEA ORIGINALLY.

LISA: She used to buy free pizza for everyone at certain times.

DEB: Oh, we order pizza every happy hour. If we didn't she'd call down Honey, did you order pizza? Yes, it's on its way.

MARYBEL: they don’t do it anymore because of covid but they would always offer pizza like around 7 for everybody at the bar. 

HADLEY: You're just sitting there and people are like pizza like everybody gets pizza.

SARAH: THAT LAST VOICE WAS HADLEY AGAIN, THE GIRL WHO DISCOVERED CUBBYHOLE AS A TEENAGER. AS AN ADULT, SHE WAS NERVOUS TO RETURN TO THE BAR. 

HADLEY: His name's Will. You can kind of see him. Yeah, he's behind me in a photo.

SARAH: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE, HADLEY IS IN A HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. 

HADLEY: I felt like I like betrayed the community that took me in when I needed a place to go. And when I needed friendship and comfort and safety. And I felt so sad that I was like betraying them in a way.

SARAH: BUT AT CUBBYHOLE, SHE FOUND THE SAME SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY THAT HAD ALWAYS EMBRACED HER.

HADLEY: When I started to like talk to people who were there, and some of my friends who like identify as lesbian or are in like, you know, relationships, like homosexual relationships. And I started talking about mine. Just they were so supportive. Like everybody was so supportive. And they're like, oh, he should have come like you should bring him next time. Like we'd love to meet him. It was just so accepting. And that like I felt like I was the one who was judging myself where there was never any judgement ever at Cubbyhole.

SARAH: THE THING ABOUT CUBBYHOLE, IS THAT IT’S JUST A JUMPING OFF POINT. IT’S THE REASON WE CARE ABOUT THE OTHER 20-OR-SO LESBIAN BARS. AND THE REASON WE WERE INTERESTED IN THIS ROAD TRIP TO BEGIN WITH. BECAUSE WE KNOW FIRST HAND HOW SPECIAL CUBBYHOLE IS TO US.

SO RACHEL, JEN, AND I HAVE MAPPED OUT OUR ROUTE -- FROM NEW YORK TO MILWAUKEE, SEATTLE AND THE BAY, BACK TO TEXAS AND ALL AROUND THE LOWER 48.

THREE QUEER WOMEN, ONE HONDA SUV, AND PERHAPS THE LONGEST BAR CRAWL EVER. AND WHILE WE’RE DEFINITELY IN IT FOR THE FUN AND THE QUEERS AND THE BEERS, WE ALSO HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS. WHY ARE THESE SPACES DWINDLING? AND DO WE STILL NEED THEM IN 2021? WHAT EVEN IS A LESBIAN BAR ANYWAYS? HERE’S WHAT WE KNOW FOR NOW: WE HAVE A LIST OF 21 BARS THAT PRIMARILY CATER TO QUEER PEOPLE OF MARGINALIZED GENDERS. THAT LIST MIGHT GET LONGER AND IT MIGHT GET SHORTER ALONG THE WAY. WE’RE STILL FIGURING THAT OUT. 

CRUISING IS REPORTED AND PRODUCED BY RACHEL KARP, JEN MCGINITY AND ME, SARAH GABRIELLI, WITH MUSIC BY JOEY FREEMAN.

FOLLOW US ALONG ON OUR ROAD TRIP AND SEE PICTURES AT OUR WEBSITE: CRUISINGPOD.COM OR FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA @CRUISINGPOD. THAT’S C-R-U-I-S-I-N-G P-O-D. YOU CAN LISTEN WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS. SPECIAL THANKS THIS WEEK TO HADLEY, DEB, LISA, AND EVERYONE AT OUR NEIGHBORHOOD LESBIAN BAR: CUBBYHOLE.